Belajar Untuk Bangkit

"Maybe it's just not my day". Ach, lagi-lagi Ausrede..

Saya hanya menghibur diri sendiri lagi dengan kalimat itu. No, I don't think I'm gonna use that sentence.

Kemarin saya baru aja ngobrol sama Intan. Pertanyaan dia simpel, "nyesel ga sih kak kuliah di Jerman?"

Saya dengan mantapnya kemarin menjawab "gak". 

Tiba-tiba hari ini menerima 2 kabar yg ga terlalu mengenakkan:

1. lamaran buat jadi asisten lab SRT ditolak

2. acara rabu besok utk bisa dapat informasi dari Olympus dibatalkan

Masih kekeuh sama jawaban saya? Iya kok. Tapi sedih banget rasanya euy. Pasalnya ini kerjaan adalah salah satu langkah mewujudkan resolusi saya tahun ini. Setelah kemarin proposal utk beasiswa dari FH ditolak (lagi), Papi bilang nilai saya terlalu buruk untuk mendapat sebuah kerjaan, nah hari ini ditambah kerjaan akhirnya malah dapat penolakan, sedih banget rasanya. 

Banyak yang bilang, kalo ingin sesuatu, doain, doain. Ini udah didoain di rosario, misa, tapi kok ga dapat juga.. Rasanya sebel, pengen marah, tapi masa iya marah sama Tuhan. Punya hak apa gw..? Mungkin ini yang namanya Tuhan lagi buka jalan untuk sesuatu yang lain. I'll keep on searching, God. Bantu saya untuk bangkit lagi, Tuhan..

Bye- bye Scholarship

Dear God,

I lost my chance to get scholarship AGAIN and as usual I don't even know the reason. It was just so embrassing, God. I don't know.... I feel..... sad... embrassed..... or just okay. I don't know. I don't even know, to whom I can speak about this. Well, I told mom already, but I don't actually like to tell her bad news.

This time was better than the first one at least when I remembered that the participants weren't only from my department and my semester, but also the other departments in FH Aachen (well,FH Aachen has 10 departments). I was noted my self that average score 1,8 is not good enough to honour a scholar, even though I know that most of the students haven't reached 60 credits until the second semester and I got 65 already. Well yah.. Hundreds or thousand applicants. no wonder.

But then I recalled the time in Linnich. That was so embrassing. I was quite sure that I will get at least one of that scholarship, as all people told me that I could still get scholarship at the end of freshmen year, but it was not. I was waiting to be called. My face turned red, that I wasn't on the list. I cried the whole night and moved on the next day to Jülich. You remember that, don't you, God?

I'm not loosing my faith in You, God. I don't want to blame you. just give me your strength to face all of these situations, God. Please lead me on Your way and not my way. I believe that you're preparing something more beautiful in Your time :') just give me strength. Strength.