Happy 2 years!

It is nice to see, that we've reached so far.. Well, at least for us :) Those two years were lovely and tough at the same time. Sure culture and long distance relationship didn't make everything easier. But both of us are still able to support each other. I think, we try to build a relationship like two mature adults. Each of us put effort, so that our communication stays stable.

Last Saturday, Thomas took me on a dinner. He booked Pinnochio before telling me. I was surprised and happy for the whole week. Thomas had never reserved table for our date. Before we went together for a mass in the hospital chappel in Jülich. Guess what! We had to sit right behind the altar. My head was full of uncertainty and fear, because I don't think Thomas would like it. But that was the only place left for two! At the end of the mass, the priest came to us and asked, whether we felt okay sitting behind the altar. So nice of him! I think Thomas did enjoy the mass somehow ;) Dinner was also nice. I got my risotto and Thomas ate house speciality. We were so full :) And yeah, we were so lucky, that despite of having no tickets, we were allowed to enter the 'concert' (casting for jazz day in Düren). Christian and his new girlfried were also there. There were 5 performances. The first was from Stimm So, an acapella group. They did pretty good! I love them. The second was uh-oh... over self-confident. The third was a girl from Dormagen playing guitar. She sang really well and was cute. The fourth was The Tideline who performed at Jazz Day in Düren last year. The last was a David Bowie tribute band. They fulfilled the stage. Gosh. I think they were ok (but they were quite loud), but I didn't expect them to win. I prefered the acapella group. But ok, if this tribute band won, what should I do. I won't go to the juries and influence them to choose the first group. Haha. However, I don't think I would ever like David Bowie's music.... Sorry, David... We took taxi from Jülich to Floßdorf and I have to say: I underestimated the taxi cost. I used taxi from Linnich to Jülich and it cost me around 15€. But that night, we had to pay 24€! Ooops, sorry, Thomas. The rest of the night was also nice. We watched the mentalist, but after 1,5 episodes I (as always) felt asleep. Thomas woke me up and didn't get off my back and giggled  me until I gave up. Menno.

Thank you to have understood, loved and supported me with all your heart during these 2 years.

I am grateful to have met you in my life and that you're part of my life. I learned so much from you, and hope I can learn more...

Cheers, for us and amazing years ahead!

Day 17: High and Low in this past year

Counting from 20.10.2014-20.10.2015, here are my highs and lows:

Lows

• Moved to Oldenburg
• The first semester in Jade HS was like hell. I met a guy from higher semester who was not able to do anything. I mean really anything. The only thing he knew was how to install some software, but he can't use the software
• Eca went back for good :(
• Got pickpocked on the way from Vienna to Salzburg
• Worked for three months in McDonalds

Highs

• Passed the first semester
• Enrolled in the university, juhuu :)
• Passed last semester pretty good. The worst score was 2.0! Ahoi
• Been in Denmark, Austria and Switzerland this year
• Holidays with family
• Started to work at itap GmbH
• Did internship in EV

I try to keep being positive then for the next semester :)

Indonesians' Blah Blah Culture: Virginity

Indonesians and their "eastern" culture are sometimes just weird. It is taboo to kiss your partner in public (especially when you're not married). In some regions, you are even forbidden to use short skirt and as women you have to use headscarf. No boyfriend or girlfriend staying over at home. So to say: no sex before marriage. 

Well; I would say: I get enough of this. For me now it's just a blah blah culture. Why am I saying that? My age is a quite ideal age to get married. At least in our country.  Yes, I'm still trying to respect this kind of culture. But the fact is, a lot of women I know were giving birth after 5 or 6 months after the marriage. This is totally disappointing.. Does pregnancy become a  part of our 'everything-is-fast-and-instant' culture?

I'm just saying: this is the weakness of our culture. Girls are not even told to go to GE (gynaecologist), just because: we may not do sex before marriage. I'm not underestimating the culture, but we have to be realistic seeing that a lot of young couples are having sex secretly, in any places parents don't know. I know that the chance of interracial couples having sex are bigger (yeah yeah, I know if you're thinking about me having sex. Whatever.), but here I'm talking about indonesian with indonesian, whose culture is exactly the same! Put this one in mind: the more you are forbidden, the more you want to break the rule. It happens always. So in my opinion: it's better to teach girls (hey, even we never talked about it in Sanur), how to protect themselves while making love. Go to GE, ask for contraception pills. Girls, if you can't control boys for always using condoms, but you have to protect yourself and your future. Once you have to get married, when you're not ready, your life is not gonna be the same anymore. So, girls, please protect yourself!

Dear Sister...

Dear sister, you come again with tears

For troubles you've kept for years

It's a story about love, man and troth

A future that you want for both

Find the courage you've ever had

since the first time we met

That man who gave you ring but let you suffer

It's not lifelong faith that he could offer

The distance might tear us apart

but our sisterhood made me said this..

Let just life be like 

as you enjoy a cup of coffee

Enjoy the smell and let life suprise

who'll come stay and drink with you

Dear sister,you shouldn't worry

about life about love about marriage

For you are young, tough and lovely

Let me tell you that this it not about age

Grab the courage you always have

if you have to leave him, leave him

A bunch of happiness that you deserve

Hear your heart, can you find it in him?

Among us, I might be the youngest

but I could tell you this...

Let just life be like 

as you enjoy a cup of coffee

Enjoy the smell and let life suprise

who'll come stay and drink with you

Gain courage, breath deep, step new life

Someday you'll find, it is there waiting

the answer that you asked

P.S: Tom, can we make this a song?

?

Es gibt genug auf dieser Welt

Nur dich nicht

Und wenn ich mich nicht in dich verlieben darf,

verkrafte ich das Ganze nicht mehr.

Hatchi

I remembered Gregor's saying last year, that he is always sick after carnaval. Well it's actually not the case for me. It has been started after I walked with my mood booster to FH. Might be I haven't slept enough that night.

I told him that I felt sick, but felt better though despite of the sniffles on Monday. He said, if I'm not getting better, we should cancel our meeting (oh noooooooo I don't want) -no other options :(-  but he will come earlier this Sunday and cook me soup (yummmmm). Sweet. Hihihi. No no no, I need to be fit soon :( Hoaaaaaaaa

Friendship

Friendship is like us.
Friendship is where we are dare to say "no" to each other.
Though we are also dare to say "I adore you".
Friendship is caring for each other.
Friendship means supporting each other,
which should work on both ways.
Friendship is simple and pure and no fake inside.
Friendship can be addictive.
In friendship, there is always love, in general meaning.
Friendship is a feeling between us that should last forever.

Friendship is a long long long path
that I wanna walk with you.

Thank you! Always be my mood-booster!

Your motivation coach

Ah, dan fase ini akhirnya datang...

Hellow! Seperti di post yang sebelumnya, gw akhir-akhir ini masih banyak merenung. Masih sedikit berhubungan dengan kerjaan dan kuliah (rencana yang gw susun di otak gw and I haven't told anybody about it yet), tapi ini berawal dari percintaan gw sebenernya.

Akhir tahun lalu, setelah mengalami penolakan cinta (wuits!), secara ga sadar gw mengalami frustasi. Ya iyalah, patah hati lagi.. Walaupun kalo gw patah hati, ga pernah yg terbilang parah sm ky mau bunuh diri gitu, haha. Gw tetep berusaha stay cool. Tapiiii.. you know, I had a resolution last year. Resolusi yg belum tercapai dr tahun 2012: punya pacar. Nah, karena gw tau chance gw buat dapet kerja pas akhir tahun lalu menipis, muncullah ide di kepala gw, yah coba deh mewujudkan resolusi yg lain. Nah, gw terhasut sm "tante" gw yang cerita ttg biro jodoh online.

Hasilnya ga buruk2 amat. Gw sempet ngedate sm 3 orang, walaupun ga ada yg berhasil smpe akhirnya gw males dan memutuskan untuk berhenti. Nah, pas gw jalan sm orang ketiga ini, gw mulai merasa ada yang ga beres sm gw. Gw waktu merasa amat sangat haus belaian pria. Gw curhat ke kakak sepupu gw (psikolog), "kok gw ngerasa sekarang gw ada di fase jablay ya? Aneh ga sih? Normal ga sih? Umur se gw gini..." Terus mulailah gw "diluruskan". Gw ga seharusnya menyebut fase ini fase jablai, tapi fase mencari cinta sejati. Pada dasarnya fase ini normal banget dialami hampir setiap orang, walaupun waktunya dan cara menyikapinya beda-beda. Sampailah kita pada kesimpulan, mungkin gw br mengalami ini sekarang, mungkin karena gw dulu masuk sekolah homogen dan gw ga punya waktu selama gw kuliah.

Nah, yang gw mau gw bahas sekarang adalah fase anak baik-baik. Di tengah pergulatan stress mikirin masa depan, berantem sm ortu juga ga kalah bikin stressnya. Gw sebenernya ga mau ngebangkang. Tp gw bener-bener lagi di keadaan di mana, "ok, gw ngerti orang tua gw kaya, tapi balik lagi ke prinsip gw dulu, gw pengen cepet-cepet mandiri, secara finansial". Akibatnya gw terkesan membangkang. Biasanya kalo nyokap gw bilang "jangan lah" atau "ga usah lah", gw biasanya nurut. Sekarang gw rasanya sebel setengah hidup kalo nyokap/bokap gw bilang "jangan". Jangan keluar malem-malem. Jangan bikin SIM jerman. Jangan pergi naik sepeda. Jangan pergi sendirian. Knapa ga nginep aja sih? (Gara-gara pertanyaan yg terakhir ini gw sempet ngamuk sama bokap yg nyuru2 nginep tanpa tau kondisi yg sebenernya). Ga ada gunanya ngelarang gw kan, toh akhirnya gw pergi juga, bokap nyokap gw ga bisa kan dateng ke sini cm buat ngelarang gw bikin ini/itu.

Gw pengen bisa dan boleh ambil keputusan. Kalaupun keputusan itu buruk buat gw, I will find it out, at least I learn from my mistakes then. Sebenernya agak memalukan sih bahwa fase ini akhirnya datang (dan di saat umur gw segini). Gw selalu dikelilingi orang-orang yg lebih tua dari gw. Dan kalo gw cerita, gw sendiri yg somehow ngerasa kok gw kyna childish bgt ya.. Ada kekhawatiran sbnrnya bahwa orang-orang akan melihat gw sebagai pembakang dan tentu saja ini mengurangi nilai plus gw di mata pria2 jomblo (hehe). Gw cm berharap, di akhir fase ini hubungan gw bisa deket lagi terutama sm ortu, karena gw sadar sekarang, gw males nulis WA, males kasih kabar, males telpon, males skype (ok 50% kesalahan pada smartphone, sorry, but it's true). Jadi kalau nanti gw punya pacar/suami, dia bisa liat gw sebagai orang yg sayang keluarga, bukan orang yang ga butuh keluarga.

Berani Keluar dari Zona Nyaman (lagi)?

Kangen juga nulis pake bahasa Indonesia. Belakangan ini gw jadi banyak merenung. Ada ketakutan-ketakutan yang belakangan hilang timbul yang membuat gw flashback, tapi gw (masih) ga bisa menemukan keberanian yang sama.

Gw flashback ke masa 4 tahun lalu. Sebelum gw berangkat ke Jerman. Kenapa akhirnya gw berani memutuskan untuk kuliah jauh bgt dari rumah. Kenapa, kenapa, kenapa? (dan gw ga inget). Sampe 4 tahun yang lalu, gw aktif bgt di gereja, terutama di misdinar. Buat gw, misdinar itu keluarga kedua gw. Di situ dulu gw bener-bener merasa nyaman. Dan kalo lw udah nyaman, pasti lw ga mau segala sesuatunya berubah kan? Kalo gw inget-inget, dulu ketua-ketua gw tiba2 pada sibuk kuliah, jauh2 (ok, definisi jauh: depok n bandung-bekasi, hehehe), yg udah pada kuliah, jd jarang punya waktu lg buat misdinar atau jarang mau sibuk lagi sm misdinar. Tiba-tiba, gw merasa sepiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii sesepi-sepinya. Gw berpikir "apa mereka ga merasa ini nyaman, seperti gw merasa ini nyaman? kenapa mereka ga mau, keep things just like the old days?" Saat itu gw berpikir, "the world changed, they changed, if they don't wanna stay, then I should also be the part of the change and nobody can stop me". Dari situ, I made myself new record of the definition of "far".

Sekarang gw lg di fase yang sama (lagi). Waktu gw lg ngerjain skripsi gw di labor, gw pengeeenn banget bisa kerja di labor itu lagi kalo gw udah selese. I find the people so warm hearted. I looked at each, just like how they are. Dengan personality mereka masing-masing, gw menganggap, satu labor gw itu sebagai satu paket. Jadi kalo ada yg kluar itu, kayak paket yang kurang, paket yang bolong. Nah jadi ceritanya, di labor gw ini lagi banyak pergantian personal. Okelah, student hampir setiap semester ada yg masuk ada yg kluar. Tapi ini mitarbeiternya (pegawainya) cing! Mulai dari partner dansa gw, temen baiknya, temen gw yg selalu bantuin gw, bentar lg temen seband gw. (semoga ga lebih banyak lg). Gw jadi bingung rasanya mau kerja di tempat ini apa ga. Emang sih sementara jadi lg banyak lowongan kosong walaupun belum ada proyek (which means ga ada kerjaan), tapi kalo sabar, pasti ada chancenya kerja di situ karena itungannya bukan orang baru. Di sisi lain, rasanya ada yg aneh, seolah-olah nempatin tempat orang yang lw pernah sayangin. Ya ga sih? Dari sini gw mulai berpikir lagi "will I also be the part of change? Pergi jauh lagi"

Sempet deh kepikiran buat melancong lagi, mgkn ke Belgia, Dublin, US. Iya banget. Rasanya gampang bgt waktu itu ngayalnya ya. Band gw, huh dulu sih bodo amat. Waktu itu pikiran gw, ya smpe konser pertama aja paling jadi tamu (feature of the band gitu lah). Sampe pada suatu malam, gw dapet SMS dari drummer band gw, 11 hari sebelum ultah gw. Dia bilang begini, "Gw pgn bilang ini sebelum terlambat, ....  Sejak kita bareng di band, kita sadar, kalau kita terikat secara emosional. Dlm bahasa Jerman istilahnya 'eine Bande' (sebuah ikatan) kepada sesuatu yang ga bisa dipisahkan. Cuma beda sedikit sm bahasa Inggris, tapi maknanya jauh lebih dalam. Stay with us, krn kamu bagian dari ikatan itu". Gw terenyuh. Sejak itu gw bener-bener jatuh cinta sama band gw. Gw bener2 merasakan, ini ikatan batin kita emang kuat ya. Sampe beberapa hari sebelum gw berlibur ke Indo, anggota band gw (yg paling tua) memutuskan keluar dari band, sampai waktu yg tidak bisa ditentukan. Alasannya masalah pekerjaan yg terlalu padat (di FH). Untungnya, band gw tidak bernasib seperti band gw yg satunya lagi, yg skrg bisa dibilang bubar jalan. Kita berusaha mengisi kekosongan. Coba sana coba sini. Dan sejauh ini, gw blm pernah ada di band yg seperti ini. Ikatan kita jadi semakin kuat. Dan gw ga mau menjadi orang selanjutnya yg mesti meninggalkan band yg sedang berusaha bangkit lg ini (itu namanya bikin repot).

Sejak itu, ini jadi kekhawatiran dan ketakutan terbesar gw. Gw cuma berpikir gimana caranya buat bisa dapet kerja atau master, yang penting gw bisa at least 2 minggu sekali pendeln ke Jülich (syukur-syukur tiap minggu)supaya gw ttp bisa main di band ini. Hari-hari gw jadi makin galau, mengingat gw cuma dapet rejection doang dan master pilihannya (tetep) jauh dari Jülich (yang gw pengen). Gw cm ga mau kuliah di Jülich, krn gw ga mau belajar itu lagi itu lagi. Tapi pilihannya jauh2 bgt.. Kalo ke Oldenburg, pendeln udah pasti ga murah dan lama bgt perjalanannya. Berapa lama gw akan bertahan pendeln ky gtu..

Gw berharap somehow, gw bisa mendapat kekuatan yang dulu gw punya waktu gw di Sanur. Bangun jam 4, berangkat sekolah jam 5, smpe rumah bisa jam 18 atau 19 (terutama pas kelas XII, bisa tiap hari kyna gini). Plus kalo pun emang harus pergi, gw bisa punya keberanian yang sama ky waktu dulu gw cabs ke Jerman.

Oh gees, gw bener-bener ga tau gimana harus memutuskan. Gw hanya berharap pada mukjizat......

It's a small world afterall

You remember that song, don't you?

Kali ini gw mau bercerita ttg date gw yg ehem, kalo menurut lagunya Armada "mau dibawa kemana hubungan kita...?" gw ga tau apakah hubungan kita bakal berhasil. dan selama ini gw tidak merasakan kupu2 dlm perut :(

Anyhow, I chatted with one of my old friend from Vietnam. She has a boyfriend from the same place my date comes from and baby. Waktu itu date gw ini emang pernah cerita kalo dia punya adik cowo, dan tinggal di Dussi. Tapi gw ga inget kalo temen gw yg dr studkol ini pernah bilang kalo cowonya pindah ke Dussi. Dan td stlh temen gw ini nanya kabar gw (dan kabar percintaan gw), gw cerita lah ttg percintaan gw yg amburadul. Trus stlh cerita, cerita,cerita, dia tanya siapa nama date gw. Gw sebutlah itu namanya. Bang! Seriously, dia kenal doooonnngg.. Parah bgt ga siiiiiiihhh.... Date gw itu kakak pacarnya... Aduuuuuhhh... Udah badan gw semakin lebar, makin sempit lah dunia ini. Haih.

Why I Should Go and Stay

Why I should go and dance.

I got a recall how scarying it was when my coach Andreas Manalu got mad, not on the corps but on me!

The most horrible thing ever, even til now. I was afraid on my sleeping, was afraid of air conditioner. AC just couldn't calm and cool me down. That feeling appeared 2 days long. I couldn't sleep, couldn't think clearly, I didn't even speak :( You know, if you don't speak and don't think then you can't sing neither. So, I was saved by the traditional dance class. I think it's what people called passion.

Can it save me also on the day before defence?

Zum Heulen!!!!!

"Now life has killed the (bike tour) dream I dreamed... " ~Fantine, Les Misérables

Why some people are born to be so mean...
I swear, this is gonna be the last saddest thing that Jülich could give me!
:'(  :'(  :'(  :'(

Into the blue

If you love somebody, then tell him that you love him/her.

Slapped me hard enough, I'll slap life harder

I need a shoulder to cry :'(

Women vs Apples

Nandea sent me this message on whatsapp. I'm just rewriting it:

"Women are like apples on a tree. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples on the top think something is wrong with them. In reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top."

:)

Ich finde diese Frage gefährlich..

.. denn dummerweise bin ich ziemlich ehrlich.
Ich hab dich relativ gern!

Ok, schon gut , ich liebe dich.

Marriage

I think I'm gonna make time again sharing something that suddenly popped out of my mind. This came out actually from the conversation between me and Ega. Both of us have usually different mind but the funny thing that we can just share it with each other even we were on the street. Well, we talked in Indonesian, so basically almost nobody understood us, but this time I would like to share it in English, so everybody would be able to read und understand.

When we come to the topic "Marriage" is just a huge huge thing to be discuss without end. Single women (including me) are worried about marriage. It's something that essential though theoretical as long as one is not yet married.

Personally, I'm grateful to be born in a catholic family. And one of the reason I have been kept on this religion is the gospel "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate". I believe basically every religion doesn't expect or allow a divorce, right? But maybe (again, this is subjective) Catholic has the most complicated procedure for those who are wishing to get divorce.

I have the principle that marriage is one in a lifetime. Some people say, it's allowed to get divorce in case of betrayal or affair or anything else. When I and Ega came up to discuss this, it was going to be hard, because Ega is for and I'm against. Well, again, this is theoretical, we haven't been in a marriage, but we both just learned from our parents and from what life has showed us.

We learned that marriage life is something private. You're not anymore two, but one. It's basically like how you behave even in normal life. It's like if you can smile through the whole day so that everyone thinks that you're fine but you're actually not. Marriage is about solving problem between you, trusting and being trustable and faithful. If you've ever had a long happy marriage, there's no reason for the other people to know that you're having problems with your husband/wife.

Marriage is once in a lifetime, is about being together til death tears you apart.

Nothing is easy and smoothing going on in this world. So does marriage. Get divorce easily like the celebrities did, is totally a kind of "giving up" or "escaping from difficulties" Man, there's nothing easy in this world. People are learning from life itself. Youth are being mature, from how they handle with problems and not escaping from reality.

Like you try to make a good impression of yourself in front of people, I think, that's also valid for marriage life. Give people a good impression of you as a pair and don't tell them about your badness or weakness.
Because you're not anymore two, but one. People will see you as one also. So, if you tell them your husband's /wife's badness or weakness, you are telling them your badness.

I believe that getting married is just like another step of life. It's beautiful if you can see, realize and be grateful for that :)

Juhuuu!!

I'm quit busy this week. Something to be done in my project before Monday, I don't want that we get bad reputation just because I couldn't finish my circuits on time. But as usual, work hard, play harder. On Wednesday I was attending the pizza night (of course!). I ordered Pizza Cazio which was quite delicious which spinach, ham and mushrooms on top.. Aaaanndd yeah, I can't wait til Sunday! I'm singing, people! Juhuuu!! So don't forget to bring your earplug :P

Jepp and usual thursdays is always the day that I can't wait for.. Last semesters because of guitar course and this semester dance course! Yipiiiieee.. And since I have a dance partner, dancing is more wonderful :) Hoffe es bleibt so. Ich bleibe meinem Tanzpartner treu :D Oh ya, I need to tell you, I'm now dancing on 7-cm-high heels. was my second time practicing, but I felt much much better than the first time :)

The high heels were dance trainer's  ;)

So, gotta go for now.. I have to work tomorrow morning.

Party - Pesta - Pray

Party! I deserved it :) after the really last exam, which went pretty well - I guess hehehe-

Some people told me that they didn't expect me to be there. But I don't think it was strange, I always went somewhere right after exams (well, mostly. I remembered in the 2nd semester I flew back to Jakarta right after math exam, or just like last February I went directly to Greifswald at the night after Verfahrenstechnik) or just not in the mood (read: no friend to get there with).

So, let me introduce you these people

most of them are from the lab, where I'm doing my bachelor project.

----

Somebody is perfect ;) 10 out of 14 I guess

----

Keep praying for my grandma though. I did one turn rosary before went to the party (sorry Andreas to have kept you waiting). And everybody who read this, please send also your little prayer to Jesus for my grandma. She is laying now in the ICU. Sometimes love means, to let somebody go, no matter how hard it is.

---

Anyway, enough for now. It's now 2:37, I should take a bath, I smell like hell. Tschüssi!

Belajar Untuk Bangkit

"Maybe it's just not my day". Ach, lagi-lagi Ausrede..

Saya hanya menghibur diri sendiri lagi dengan kalimat itu. No, I don't think I'm gonna use that sentence.

Kemarin saya baru aja ngobrol sama Intan. Pertanyaan dia simpel, "nyesel ga sih kak kuliah di Jerman?"

Saya dengan mantapnya kemarin menjawab "gak". 

Tiba-tiba hari ini menerima 2 kabar yg ga terlalu mengenakkan:

1. lamaran buat jadi asisten lab SRT ditolak

2. acara rabu besok utk bisa dapat informasi dari Olympus dibatalkan

Masih kekeuh sama jawaban saya? Iya kok. Tapi sedih banget rasanya euy. Pasalnya ini kerjaan adalah salah satu langkah mewujudkan resolusi saya tahun ini. Setelah kemarin proposal utk beasiswa dari FH ditolak (lagi), Papi bilang nilai saya terlalu buruk untuk mendapat sebuah kerjaan, nah hari ini ditambah kerjaan akhirnya malah dapat penolakan, sedih banget rasanya. 

Banyak yang bilang, kalo ingin sesuatu, doain, doain. Ini udah didoain di rosario, misa, tapi kok ga dapat juga.. Rasanya sebel, pengen marah, tapi masa iya marah sama Tuhan. Punya hak apa gw..? Mungkin ini yang namanya Tuhan lagi buka jalan untuk sesuatu yang lain. I'll keep on searching, God. Bantu saya untuk bangkit lagi, Tuhan..