Bye- bye Scholarship

Dear God,

I lost my chance to get scholarship AGAIN and as usual I don't even know the reason. It was just so embrassing, God. I don't know.... I feel..... sad... embrassed..... or just okay. I don't know. I don't even know, to whom I can speak about this. Well, I told mom already, but I don't actually like to tell her bad news.

This time was better than the first one at least when I remembered that the participants weren't only from my department and my semester, but also the other departments in FH Aachen (well,FH Aachen has 10 departments). I was noted my self that average score 1,8 is not good enough to honour a scholar, even though I know that most of the students haven't reached 60 credits until the second semester and I got 65 already. Well yah.. Hundreds or thousand applicants. no wonder.

But then I recalled the time in Linnich. That was so embrassing. I was quite sure that I will get at least one of that scholarship, as all people told me that I could still get scholarship at the end of freshmen year, but it was not. I was waiting to be called. My face turned red, that I wasn't on the list. I cried the whole night and moved on the next day to Jülich. You remember that, don't you, God?

I'm not loosing my faith in You, God. I don't want to blame you. just give me your strength to face all of these situations, God. Please lead me on Your way and not my way. I believe that you're preparing something more beautiful in Your time :') just give me strength. Strength.